


Licorice and Mint - Book 1 - Part 7 - New Skin, New Scars

by elle_and_em



Series: Licorice and Mint [7]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types, Original Work
Genre: Coming of Age, Domestic Violence, Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Dungeons & Dragons References, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Original Character(s), Other, Punk Rock, Slow Burn, Urban Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 13:34:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30056259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elle_and_em/pseuds/elle_and_em
Summary: It's all come down to this.  She knows the music and finally has the hair and clothes. Tonight, Nat dives into the most exciting part of a punk show, a Mosh Pit.  But when the elbows start flying, who will be there to pick the Aasimar healer up?CW: This section contains explicit sexual content, physical violence, domestic abuse.This work features lyrics from The Nekromantix, The Pale Waves, Winter Severity Index, and Mira. All rights belong to the respective recording artists.
Series: Licorice and Mint [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1962421
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	1. Fake it till ya make it....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Until last week, Nat was the awkward outsider hanging out at the back of the Screeching Weasel during shows. Tonight she is going to make her scene debut, but little does she know she's already made a name for herself...

_“I’d rather pull out my teeth  
_ _Than be what you want me to be  
_ _I know it’s hard to believe  
_ _You don’t own me”  
  
_ _The Pale Waves “You Don’t Own Me.”  
  
_ =====================================================================

The muffled din of raw and unrefined psychobilly pounded through the bathroom walls. Taking a deep breath, Nat emerged from the stall and headed to the sink. Anxiety and her divine fire urged her to hurry, steam rising off her skin as she scrubbed her hands. Tonight, the Nekromantix were playing and The Angel of the Silks would be in that pit thrashing with the rest of the Screeching Weasel. All week she’d been texting Vola about it, poring over her wardrobe, and practicing her makeup in anticipation of Friday night. So why were her hands shaking now and her skin evaporating sweat almost as fast as she could produce it?

It was obvious, of course. Her eyes met the reflection in the rattling glass mirror, skating over it critically. Red-plaid skirt, Nekromantix tank top, black sports bra, red canvas sneakers, striped socks, and spiked collar. The purple in her chin-length mohawk glowed neon under the black lights. Her eyeliner had run and smeared into deep racoon eyes that made her blue eyes gleam. To the untrained eye, she might look like she fit in, like she belonged. But Nat knew better.

She had tried to get into the mosh pit during the opener, Zombina and the Skeletones, but found herself forcibly moved to the side against her will. A few stray elbows and knees had skated past her, but nothing serious. In the end she made peace with dancing off to the side by the water cooler again, trying to play off her frustration. All her life, people had made room for her. She’d been paraded, put on display, and somehow she’d never noticed absence of attention until tonight. Was it because everyone thought she didn’t belong?

Insecurity, shame and embarrassment swirled in her chest, and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. Sniffling angrily, she bared her teeth at the mirror. She might be a poser or a freak or both, but she was _here_ , wasn’t she? These were the people she knew she belonged with, and for the first time, she wasn’t just watching. A smirk curled at the corners of her mouth as she recalled how Elias hadn’t even recognized her when she came in, but it quickly faded when she remembered among all those people, he and Wali were the only ones who knew who she was. Amanda, the Tiefling dancer, her Goliath husband Leon, the green-haired elf Zaya, her girlfriend Denise - she knew all their names, but no one knew hers...

"Going back in? Good luck."

She froze as her gaze locked with a pair of beautiful aquamarine eyes crinkled in amusement. The sea-elf was about her height and her long white, emerald and teal hair was slicked back into a thick beautiful braid. Her blue skin, almost green under the black light, glistened with sweat and body glitter. Her nose, eyebrows and finned ears were all pierced, a bright silver chain connecting the ring in her right ear to her nostril. Her nose was thin and elegant, while her lips were soft but not too plump. Small gill slits peeked out from behind the nape of her neck, which sported a black lace choker. 

The shoulder of her cropped jacket brushed against Nat’s as she reached across the Aasimar for the soap dispenser, prompting Nat to quickly look away. Her eyes darted around the room but ended up staring down on the thin black bra she was wearing under the studded leather, framing her generous cleavage perfectly. A short black pleated skirt matched her black leather high-heeled boots. 

The woman coughed. “Pass me a paper towel?” Her voice was sweet and slightly husky.

Nat’s cheeks burned as she pulled out several rough brown paper squares from the dispenser, shoving them in the woman’s direction. “I uh..um..I promise I wasn’t staring...” 

The sea-elf smirked as she dried her hands. “No worries. You’re faking it til you make it, like the rest of us.” Now Nat’s cheeks were hot for an entirely different reason. The woman didn’t seem to notice as she dried her hands. “You’re fine. In fact,” and she gave a little laugh, “I’d say you’re better than--” 

Nat missed the rest of her sentence as she burst out of the bathroom, the door slamming closed behind her. The watercooler. She always ended up there, and everyone ignored her. A second ago, she was upset about that, but after what that woman said to her...maybe hiding in the back was going to be the best way to get through this night. Nat had been so starstruck by this gorgeous stranger she hadn’t even stopped to think about what this stranger must think of her. Of course Nat looked like a poser. She was clearly trying too hard, and this woman saw right through her. 

Nat stumbled through her doubts, pushing her way through to the bar. She didn’t drink but sometimes just being near people who were ordering drinks helped her feel like she belonged. She had even built up the courage to order a soda one of the nights Wali was working. It was more than just drinking the free water, but even then...wasn’t that still _faking it till she made it_? Was Mara right? Was this all some sad attempt to be part of a world she never belonged in? That this was just a phase? 

Her girlfriend’s flushed, screaming face rose in her mind. The stab of pain that accompanied the memory was just as severe the thousandth time as the first. It was clear their relationship had devolved into something toxic, and yet her girlfriend’s words still cut deep. They hadn’t spoken since the night of the fight, over a week ago, and the resulting silence had left Nat in a weird limbo. This show was supposed to be just the kick in the pants that she needed. So why did everything still suck? Maybe this was just what she deserved…

_No! No self-pity. Not tonight! Go order from the bar!_ Tonight was for _her_. Not for Mara, not for her patients, not even for Vola. This was a night for Nat. Elbowing her way to the bar, she dug into the band of her knee-high sock. She fished out a sweat-stained five-dollar bill and slapped it on the black lacquered bar. “Seltzer water with lemon please!” The bartender, a human man the size of a tank, took her soggy money hesitantly and nodded. Nat accepted the glass from him, waving away the change. As the cool bubbles hit her throat, she sighed, grateful for something to quench the heat a little.

“Going for the hard stuff huh? Didn’t mean to drive you to drink.”

Nat jumped back nearly spilling the drink on the sea-elf, who had a smile on her face. “S-sorry!” she mumbled.

“Didn’t mean to spook you back there,” the woman continued. “You just looked kinda shaken so I thought it would help.” She extended her hand across her chest. “Ceres. And you are?”

Nat’s mind went blank. This insanely hot woman was following her, and talking to her. Her mouth opened and closed silently before she sucked aggressively from her tonic water. The sea-elf’s kind smile slowly melted into a frown. Retracting her hand, the woman took a longer sip of beer. “Okay. Seriously. You are either really nervous for no good reason or a grade A bitch.” The last word was said with the barest hint of a crack. “Either way, I can take a hint. Enjoy the show.” As she moved away Nat’s hand shot out, grabbing the elbow of her sleeve. 

“Wait, s-sorry! I’m not a bitch. Er um...I mean...it’s my first night out like this and I didn’t know if you were making fun of me, or....”

Ceres furrowed her brow. “Making fun of you? What? The faking it comment?” Nat nodded miserably and the woman laid a reassuring hand on her elbow. “Oh, no no. Hell no! I mean, you’re soaked head to toe and covered in bruises. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in front of a bathroom mirror trying to psych myself up before a show. Welcome to the punk experience!” She grinned and gestured to an empty booth. “C’mon! Let’s go sit down and start over. The name’s Ceres.”

The Aasimar took her outstretched hand with a relieved smile. “Nat. I’m Nat.” The sea-elf’s hands were cool to the touch, the webbing between her fingers delicate and smooth. Nat resisted the urge to put the woman’s hand to her burning cheek and instead took a long, noisy sip from her glass.

Sliding into the booth, she wedged herself into the corner, making sure to leave plenty of room for the other woman. If Ceres saw the hint, she chose to ignore it, sliding in close to her. Only when Nat flinched did she back away, settling in a respectful distance from the Aasimar. “So! Nat! You said this was your first time here?”

“N-no. Well, my first night out...dressed like this.” Nat distressed the black napkin she set her drink on. “I’ve been here a lot this summer.” The sea-elf raised an eyebrow, and Nat quickly clarified. “I-I mean shows! I’ve been coming out to the club for some shows, but its always after work and you know I’ve had my reasons which were all dumb but a few weeks ago I just got tired of not fitting in, so I...well my friend...she helped cut my hair and now...um…”

“Huh.” Ceres narrowed her eyes and studied the Aasimar. Nat nervously sipped her water, squirming under the gorgeous woman’s gaze. Her brain raced, and she hurried to fill the empty silence. “My first show was Rise Against and I loved them! Then I think my second was Married with Sea Monsters. Then there was that day long band battle last month. I still can’t believe a Sex Pistols cover band won that shit, but they didn’t play any radio hits, so credit due where credit’s due.”

“Uh-huh…”

“Then I found out the Necromantix were playing tonight and I just _had_ to be here. Like okay, I know they aren’t real warlocks or necromancers, but even like so what if they were, right? Shatrava isn’t blasting those folks off the planet, just for being. I mean it’s more of how you use a power than what you are right? Plus a coffin shaped bass? Too cool! I’m just pissed cause I missed their previous show where they played with the Hellfreaks. I hear one of them is actually a golem! Not that I’m really a big psychobilly fan. I’m digging more of that Eitos Industrial sound lately, but rockabilly is just fun. Ya know?"

Ceres' eyes went wide, and she thumped her empty bottle on the table. “Now I know you!” The sea-elf laughed loudly, causing others to turn and look. “You’re Church Girl!!”

“What!?”

“You’re Church Girl!” Ceres clapped. “Four Hells! You’re that little Aasimar in sweatpants who hangs out in the back all the time.”

Nat stared open-mouthed at the woman. _Sweatpants...Church Girl..?!_

“Wow! Seriously! This is brilliant! A lot of us really thought you were here to pray for us sinners or pass out literature or some shit. But damn, do you clean up nice.” At Nat’s expression, Ceres seemed to realize what she was saying. Quickly, the sea-elf reached across the table and grabbed Nat’s hand. “Hey, hey. I’m sorry. I have a big mouth.”

“We don’t preach or pass out literature,” Nat moped. She tried to pull out of Ceres’ grip but the other woman tightened her hand around Nat’s. Genuine remorse was reflected in her eyes. 

“Look, we talk a good game about being welcoming but when someone new shows up, no one has the ovaries to actually say hi. People jump to conclusions, and honestly, it wouldn’t be the first time someone from a church has tried. People were skeptical. And then you disappeared for a few weeks and we all were wondering where you’d ran off to.”

“Wait...people noticed me?” 

“Girl! Yes!” Ceres inched closer to the Aasimar and gestured with her chin towards the crowd. “The cute normie Aasimar starts showing up to almost every gig in sweats, but then leaves decked out in band merch. Spends the entire time rocking out in the back? Yeah people noticed.”

“And...and you don’t think I’m a fake?”

Ceres swept her free arm across the club. “Every single motherfucker in this place feels like a fake every damn day they wake up. Only difference between you and them, is that you actually know your shit about the bands that play here. Gods knows I couldn’t have told you half of what you rattled off to me just now. Kinda makes you….ya know...really cool.”

Nat smiled and squeezed Ceres’ hand back. This felt nice and Ceres was pretty...and the way she was looking at her. Did she also call her cute just now? Her thoughts ground to a halt at the question. If this stranger found her pretty, then why couldn’t Mara? The reminder of her relationship made her release the elf’s hand, and scooch away again, staring down into her empty glass.

Noticing her sudden unease, Ceres released her hand and slid out of the booth. “Hey. Um. To apologize, how about I buy you a proper drink.”

“I don’t drink. Sorry.”, Nat mumbled.

“Ya Straight-Edge?”, Ceres asked, checking the back of Nat’s hands for double X markings.

“No. I just like keeping a clear head. I need it for my job.”

“What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a doctor.”

“No fucking shit! You are full of surprises, Church Girl. Sorry. I mean, Nat. Okay then...so another seltzer and lemon?”

The healer grinned and nodded. “That’d be great."

After that, the conversation seemed to flow easily between Nat and Ceres. When the sea-elf returned with the drinks, their talking shifted to more bands, Nat’s day job, and the salon where Ceres got her hair done. Nat knew she should pay closer attention but the warmth of the other woman’s body against her own was hard to ignore. The faint tang of lilac and sandalwood hung over her skin. It was hard not to steal glances at the soft shadow of her breasts or imagine what Ceres’ hair might look like when it was down. When she beckoned Nat closer to take a look at the way she’d done the triple colored braid, it was hard not to lean in and smell her hair.

_This is only because she wants me to look up close. It's crowded and loud, I can’t hear her well. That’s all this is, Nat. Get a grip._

A crack of noise from the stage was followed by the apologetic voice of Wali echoing through the club. “SORRY EVERYONE. STARTING IN 10! PROMISE!” Both Ceres and Nat peeked over the edge of their booth to see the Nekromantix stage set glow with an ominous green light. 

“Wali!” Ceres shook her head. “He installed the damn sound system himself! You think he’d know it better!”

  
“You know Wali!?” 

“Yeah I work at Summoner’s. How else did you think I knew you bought all that music?"

“I’ve never seen you there.”

Ceres smirked. “Maybe I get shy around cool girls. Maybe someone is distracted by the flyer table when she checks out.” She poked Nat in the side. 

The Aasimar gave a nervous laugh, and watched as the throng packed closer to the stage. Nat frowned, seeing her chance at getting to the front vanish. “You wanna go stake a spot?”

“Sure. But first - you need a pit buddy.”

“A what?”

“Someone to have your back in the pit. Rockabilly shows can get vicious. Never figured out why. I’d be a sad siren letting someone hot as you drown out there.”

Nat’s ears burned and her heart started to slam in her chest. Hot? Did she just call her hot? But she was all sweaty and her make up was a mess and her hair was damp and… As the litany of excuses looped in her mind, she surrendered to the gentle tugs guiding her into the crowd. The wall of pressed people that scared her minutes ago no longer felt as impenetrable. The coolness of Ceres' hand around her own pulled her through unseen gaps and spaces. People apologized and made way for the two women before closing the gap behind them. “This feels like swimming,” she said dreamily.

The other woman laughed. “Yeah! Yeah it does! Good thing you got a licensed diving instructor to help you tonight.” 

“Is that what you do?”

“Among other things. Hey, here’s good. We’re right at the edge of where things kick off.” Ceres brought them to a stop a few feet from the black wooden stage. “You said you know Amanda right!?” She gestured with her head towards the purple Tiefling standing nearby, her Goliath husband behind her.

“W-well...I know of her! I’ve seen her flyers!” Nat fumbled with her fingers nervously. When did she get that close to the Tiefling? Did it matter? Ceres said she was hot. What if Amanda thought that too? 

Another strong grip around her wrist, and suddenly she was face to face with the center of her jill-off fantasies. The other woman gave a smile of friendly confusion as she took in the gangly little punk. She waved nervously at the Tiefling, but Amanda’s gaze flicked to the person behind her.

“Ceres!? Who’s this!?”

“Manda! You will not believe who I found! Nat, meet Manda and Leo! Leo, Manda, meet Church Girl!"

Her melting embarrassment was compounded at Amanda’s response. “No fucking way! Leo! Leo!” Amanda jumped up and down beckoning her husband lower. “Church Girl is back!”

Amanda knew who she was! Nat’s heart slammed to a stop and a large tattoo covered hand moved into view. “Hey! I’m Leo! This is Amanda! You got a name other than Church Girl?” 

“N-nat! I’m Nat! Nice to meet you!”

“Nat?” Amanda echoed, holding her own hand out. She shook both of them, and tried to take a step back but found the close press of Ceres once more against her. For a split second she felt webbed fingers wrap around her waist, same as she saw Leo doing with Amanda, then...gone. She turned her head for a second to look at Ceres but the gentle tap of a tail on her elbow to come closer brought her closer to the Tiefling. 

“Obviously not your first time here but..where did you go!? Who did your glow up!?”

“Uh! Um…! Work mostly! And my friend helped me do it! I wanted a change!”

The other woman looked her up and down for a moment nodding in approval. “For a home job they got that dye line spot on! Silver Siren!?”

“Y-yeah, how’d you know the brand?”

“I work at the salon where this one -” and she play-punched Ceres in the shoulder, “gets her hair done. Yours looks great, but I can spot a bad dye job a mile away!”

“It’s her one talent!” Ceres snarked back.

“Nah, she’s got two,” Leo teased, smacking Amanda on the ass. The Tiefling hissed at her husband and a laugh burst from Nat’s mouth before she could help it.

After that, the ice was broken. Even over the noise, it was easy to banter back and forth with Ceres and her friends. Nat listened intently as Amanda caught Ceres up about the business, life, and the kids. At Ceres’ insistence that Nat accompany her to the salon next time, Amanda pulled out her smartphone and scheduled them both for the following week, just like that. Was this what it was like, having a group of friends? It felt so easy. The closest equivalent had been the Rainbow group on campus, but everyone there had been so introverted and deferential. No one had treated her like anything but a mentor...

“But you!” Amanda glared at Ceres, and Nat perked up. “You need to be on your best behavior this time!”

The Sea-elf looked offended. “Me? What did I do?”

“Zaya is working that day!” 

“Oh _four hells_ Manda…”

“Is...is there a problem with Zaya?” Nat asked hesitantly.

“She fucked Denise!” Amanda hissed towards Ceres.

“Wait, what?”

“They have been broken up for a _year_ !” Ceres rolled her eyes. “They were _supposed_ to be just friends with bens.”

“Well clearly that wasn’t the case!”

“How’s that my fault!? Zaya was throwing moves on me all night at Goth Hour last month, but I was good because of the whole thing with Tiff from the month before, and then Denise called me out on sleeping with Zaya, which I didn’t, and then Denise is crying and next thing I know we’re making out and…”

“Whatever Shark Girl!”

“Shark Girl?” Nat gave a worried look at the sea-elf.

“I hate that nickname!” Ceres sighed.

“Well quit living up to it!” Amanda retorted.

Nat nervously raised her hand between them. “Uhh...while we’re at it!? Can I not be Church Girl!? Please!?"

Laughter was her only response. Nat opened her mouth to ask more about Zaya and Denise, but Leo tapped her on the shoulder. “Cee says you’re gonna mosh tonight! First time right!?”

She nodded nervously and the Goliath grinned with excitement. She looked over his tattoos carefully scanning for any for the tiny silver line work that Vola had in hers, and seeing nothing. Perhaps a different artist did his tattoos. How many were there in Endib? “I’d join you but I gotta hang back with Manda. Cee’ll have your back though!” The Tiefling scowled at her husband and he tossed back, “You’re already not supposed to be this deep into the crowd! It's too soon!” he protested

Already the feeling of belonging was there. No longer on the sideline, stitching together fantasies and stories of these people and their amazing lives. She understood what Ceres meant now. They were all flawed and wrapped in day to day struggles like her and Mara. But maybe not like Vola’s - her friend’s life and struggles seemed on an entirely different level. What was Vola up to tonight?

The thought was interrupted when the Tiefling took a water bottle from one of Leo’s leather jacket pockets. Curiosity about Leo’s odd remark pulled at her.

“Y-you don’t drink either, Amanda?” Nat asked hesitantly.

“No! I really really want a beer!” She jabbed her husband in the side with her tail again. “But he is making me be good! I really wanna get into that pit! Trip some fuckers up! Throw some elbows, but noooo!”

“You are two months pregnant! We can’t risk it!” His tone was plaintive while the look on her face was indignant and pouting. Suddenly more pieces of her fantasy woman’s life snapped into place.

Nat slowly raised her hand. “You’re pregnant!? Um..is it safe!?” Her eyes whipped around the crowd. “I mean the first trimester and…!”

“You a doctor!?” Amanda snapped.

The annoyed pout now turned on her, and Nat’s shyness was overruled by a spark of pride. “Yeah! I am!”

“Really!?” both of them asked in unison. Behind her Ceres laughed and talked to someone next to them, but kept an arm linked within her elbow. The Aasimar smiled and basked in this sense of belonging. People were noticing her, they wanted to know about her.

“Yeah! I run the Free Clinic!”

“The Church One!?”

“Yeah! But don’t worry - silk, not glass.”

Amanda’s eyes went wide. Turning abruptly, she whispered something to Leo before flashing Nat a big toothy grin. “Okay okay...I know when I’m outnumbered! I’m gonna go chill with Ahn-Me!” She gave a stern glare at her husband. “Make sure you play safe!”

As the dancer slinked away into the crowd, Nat tugged on Leo’s shirtsleeve. “Is she okay!? Did...did I say something!?” Leo smiled and shook his head. Relief and gratitude radiated from his eyes. 

“Yeah! She’s fine! Gets that way sometimes! Thank you for taking my side!”

“I took...your...wait wha!?”

Leo reached past her to get Ceres attention. “Hey! Shark Girl! You gotta teach this one to swim! I’m gonna lifeguard!” Cere’s mock salute was his only answer.

Nat’s questions faded away as a loud hiss filled the room. Syrupy sweet fog drifted from the back of the stage giving the green floor lights an ominous aura. The din of chatter and house music lowered as everyone turned their attention to the stage. Ceres and Leo pushed her forward between them. The Sea-Elf leaned into her ear. “You ready Church Girl?” She still wasn’t thrilled about the nickname, but somehow the sting from before was gone.

She smirked. “Ready as you, Shark Girl.” 

Leo waved to get Nat’s attention. “I know you’ve seen it from the outside, but trust me - a good pit is like making pasta. When it starts to boil, there’s no shame in saying you’re done!” 

“Oh trust me...I’m the one who can make water boil!” she laughed, shrugging off his odd look at her reply. 

Ceres’ elbow in the ribs cut her laugh short. “Listen to Leo! You know your music, but this is your first time going this deep. I told you before, psychobilly shows can get fucking mean!” Chastened, Nat nodded, and Ceres laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Hey CG, don’t take it personally. We’re just lookin’ out for you is all.”

“Thanks.” They were right. She needed to chill and have fun. There was nothing to prove to her new friends. Right?

Ceres playfully snapped the strap of her tank top. “Besides, look at you. All decked out, wearing the shirt of the band that she’s seeing! It’s cute.”

“Oh is that...a faux pas or something?”

“Only for assholes who care about that sort of thing! But there’s plenty to stare at besides the shirt.” She winked and turned back towards the stage as three men with tall pompadours walked out. All three were dressed in jeans, big black boots and black bowling shirts emblazoned with a skull above the breast. Another wave of smoke cascaded over them and Nat took a deep breath, baptizing in it as the crowd began to roar around her. Reaching down, she grasped Ceres’ hand in excitement.

_I'm leaving town, just want to get away_ _  
__from politics and stupid rules and the eternal love war!_

 _A life in boredom is too high a price to pay_ _  
__I'm headed in no direction, just away from before!_

 _That's when the sky turned jet-black_ _  
__Eyes are watching from above and it ain't bad weather, it's a gargoyle attack_!

It was impossible to stand still. The music was electric, the crowd surging around her, shouting the lyrics as the mash of chords hit like a brick in the face. The sea-elf’s hand tightly gripped hers as she jumped with Nat. Behind them, people pushed and shoved, forming a whirlpool of bodies. Somehow Leo was in the middle of it all, but unlike the rest of them, the 8-foot goliath was skanking, throwing elbows and clearing space as he danced to his own beat. Nat had been to shows before where the pit had been taken over by ska dancing, but watching Leo do it all by himself was so ridiculous she found herself laughing. Apparently other people felt the same way. Two nervous human girls on the edge of the pool fell into step behind Leo, laughing at themselves as they danced with the giant man. Several others followed their lead. Ceres tugged Nat into the mix as the wave of bodies began to take shape and spin in a slow counter-clockwise circle. _Two steps forward, two steps back, elbows out, left and right._ The band crashed into the chorus with a force that rattled the speakers, and a fierce joy simmered in Nat’s chest. A shove came from somewhere, and Nat broke formation to catch her balance. The halfling teen who’d shoved her grinned at her with a mischievous smirk, and she found herself grinning in reply. Digging her heels in, she shoved him back, which he took on the shoulder with a laugh. He threw his entire body into the push this time, but seemed to glance off her at the last second, careening into the crowd. Confused, she watched him disappear into the press of bodies. What was that about?

The faint white glow of her bracelet answered her question. “Whoa.” She gawked at her wrist in amazement. “Guess it works!” Vola had said it would, but this was the first time Nat had seen it in action. She should’ve known better than to be surprised at her friend’s skill.

_Gargoyles - Yeah yeah yeah! G-g-g-gargoyles over Copenhagen!!_

Nat let the mayhem carry her away. Elbows and knees came from nowhere, some landing but most hitting empty air. Nat was protected, the white light on her wrist blazing bright. The freedom of it made her bold, and soon she was the one doing the shoving. The frenetic start of _Devil’s Smile_ dissolved the last rhythm of Leo’s dance, the fun and camaraderie fading into something...wilder. On the other side of the circle, Nat watched Ceres get shoved to the edge, fanning herself in exhaustion. The sea-elf flashed her a tired smirk, but it got lost as a large black boot came down on her toes, from some other passerby. It _hurt_ , and without thinking Nat threw a sharp elbow at its owner. The Verdan man grunted in surprise as it hit his solar plexus. Just as fast, another Verdan man shoved her from the side, sending her flying into a group of girls. Nat was back on her feet before they could recover, her fist flying. It hit nothing but empty air, the pair already drifting back into the chaos.

The last notes of _Devil’s Song_ melted into _Nekrofelia._ As the band thundered into the next song, Nat caught sight of Leo standing on the edge of the pit with Ceres. Both of them were watching her, their expressions hard to make out in the smoke. He needed a time out too? But things were just starting to get good. The bruises on her arms were getting sore, and her toes ached from being trod over in her flimsy sneakers. Her mohawk was a soaking wet veil sticking to her face and neck. She’d never felt so high in her life. The air around her was a deep orange haze. She didn’t even have enough breath for singing anymore. Her world had shrunk to the bodies all crowding for her space.

A bloom of white pain erupted from her jaw and copper filled her mouth. Wild-eyed, she snapped her head around. A brass dragonborn had charged into the crowd, bowling over people left and right with the sheer force of his momentum. It was like standing in front of a snow plow. A surge of irrational rage burst forth, and the orange haze around her turned to red. Without thinking, she leapt onto his back, meeting his grunt of surprise with a fist to the chest. Arms grabbed at her and peeled her free. As she reeled, a well-timed stomp on her shoe sent her staggering. The dragonborn took one scornful look back at the Aasimar and planted his big boot into her shin. At the same time, an elbow caught her on the forehead right above her eyebrow. With a grunt she slammed against the lip of the wooden stage. Blearily opening her eyes, she caught the guitarist giving her a worried look. _No pity. Vola’s taken worse hits than this._ Nat gave a crooked smile to the musician and steadied herself, spitting a glob of blood to the floor.

The brass dragonborn had linked arms with a gold one and they spun in place, fists leveling everyone in their radius. How dare they ruin everyone’s fun? Didn’t they know that this was _her_ night? Her feet moved on their own, ready to leap back into the fray, ready to teach them a lesson...

She felt the impact in her teeth before she saw it. Her nose gave way with a wet crunch. The world spun. Her temple slammed into something heavy and wooden. The world was filled with stars. The music was gone, replaced by a piercing ringing over a dull roar. There was a shuffle of bodies, a flash of teal and emerald, and a sudden weightlessness. Then a blast of cool air. Warm concrete scraped the back of her legs as she was set down gently. Everything still spun, but slowly blobs of color began to take shape around her.

“What did I fucking tell you, Leo?” Amanda’s voice hissed. 

“Hon! I was! You should have seen her out there. She was like a tiny pitbull. The harder it got, the harder she went. She wasn’t acting like a newbie.”

“So why is she out here bleeding from the mouth and barely conscious?”

“Well Kylur and Sandoval…”

“What the hell do you think would happen if the rest of the Silks found out we let the Angel get hurt?”

A bottle of water was pressed into her hands, and the sweet musk of Cere’s perfume hit her nose. “Heya. Let’s get you patched up.”

Embarrassment and self-pity burned in her cheeks, and she feebly tried to push the Sea-Elf away. “Mmm...I’m fine. Just winded.”

“You’re more than winded,” Leo chided. “I felt that in my neck when you bounced off the monitor.” 

“You bounced off a what!?” Amanda roared. “We’re getting you to the hospital!”

Everything screamed at her, and her neck resisted her commands when she tried to raise her head. That wasn’t good. “I’m fine. No hospital,” she lied bravely. “I got some bumps and bruises. Maybe a sprain or two. I can handle this.” Slowly her world came into focus. Amanda’s tail swished furiously as she stood frowning down at Nat, arms crossed. Leo and Elias were squatting on either side of her. The black Dragonborn was shaking his head, face somewhere between awe and exasperation. Leo’s expression was full of guilt, and worry furrowed Ceres’ normally smooth forehead. 

“CG…” Ceres started.

“Can I have that?” Nat nodded towards the bottle in Ceres’ hand. “Just need to wash the taste out.”

The sea-elf wordlessly handed the bottle to Nat, helping her to her feet. Steadying herself against the brick wall, Nat sucked back some water, spitting it onto the concrete. A trail of blood and sputum pooled at the base of her sneaker and a squeak of pain escaped her lips before she could take it back. 

A cool slender arm linked around her own. “I got it from here guys. If she says she’ll be good, she’ll be good.” Ceres’ voice sounded assured, even if her expression said otherwise. “It’s kinda late. You both need to get back before your sitter charges overtime. I promise, this isn’t the last we’ve seen of Church Girl right?” Ceres gave her a gentle shake around the shoulders.

Nat gave a small smirk and nodded as much as her neck would allow. “Yeah. I’ll live to mosh another day.” The smile faded from her face. “Can...can someone get my hoodie?” 

The Tiefling’s earthy perfume enveloped her as Amanda draped Nat’s coat over her shoulders. Amanda gave her a hug once she was done. “I am so sorry.”

“S..nothing. Not your fault.” She mumbled giving a half-hug back.

“See you next Sunday then? At the Salon? Promise?”

“Of course,” Nat reassured. 

Leo’s hug was a gentle coil of leather and tattoos. “Damn Nat,” he chuckled. “Next time you’re gonna be my pit-buddy. Fucking fierce man. Get some ice on that neck though kay? Next time I’ll let you get the boil going.”

“Sounds like a plan,” she laughed weakly.

Elias put a careful hand on Nat’s shoulder. “You got bigger balls than me, CG. Take good care of this one, Flippers?”

“Fuck off, Elias,” Ceres replied, but there was no venom in it. She flipped him a webbed middle finger and he gave her a toothy grin before disappearing back inside. 

The rest of the conversation faded away as Nat slumped back down to the sidewalk. “Fuck me running…” she mumbled. “Shoulda known.”

Ceres sat as Nat took another pull off the water bottle. “Shoulda known what?”

“How people really saw me.”

“Huh?”

Hot tears started to bubble at the corner of her eyes. “Y-know. I really hate that nickname. Church Girl.”

“You just got the shit kicked out of you at the club, and that’s what you’re mad about? You think I wanted to be Shark Girl? Or Flippers? I mean, talk about racist. S’like no one in this city’s ever seen a fucking sea-elf before. So much for the ‘melting pot’.”

“Why do you let them call you that?”

Ceres sighed. “I dunno. Because...it’s their weird way of showing they care, I guess. Better an imperfect family than none at all?”

Nat contemplated this. “That’s fucked up.”

“Welcome to the punk scene. Losers, posers, assholes, and fakers all.”

The Aasimar weakly chuckled. “Hell of a slogan.”

“You should see our bumper stickers.” She laughed and gently nudged the Aasimar. “To be _completely_ fair, the Shark Girl name has a slightly different origin story.”

“Oh?”

“Well, you heard some of the Denise and Zaya drama. I like what I like and I’m not afraid to go after it. But some catty bitches felt I was snapping up all the new girls that wandered in, not leaving any for anyone else.” She threw up her hands and in a cartoon-ish voice cried, “Oh no! Shark Girl smells new blood in the water.”

Nat sat in silence for a moment digesting this news. So Ceres really was gay. Not that she hadn’t guessed, but the years of hiding her own sexuality and second-guessing everyone else’s had taught her to be skeptical until proven otherwise. “So....does that make me the new blood?”

The other woman tilted Nat’s chin up. The lapis eyes were honest. “It makes you the badass chick who took on half the pit by herself. It makes you someone I’d like to get to know.” She paused. “Does that scare you?”

“No,” Nat replied softly. “It doesn’t.” The gaze between them lingered for a moment. A gentle smile played at Ceres’ lips.

“You’re cute when you get flustered.”

“Who says I’m flustered?” Nat replied, taken aback.

“I dunno how you do it, but you’ve got more heat coming off you than an oven. I noticed it whenever Amanda would lean in close. S’like you got toaster tits or something.”

“Oh, gods...Toaster Tits...that’s worse than Church Girl!” Nat covered her face with her hands. “You think she noticed?”

Ceres laughed out loud and patted her shoulder. “Pretty sure the whole club noticed. You see how everyone was sweating like popsicles in August? Cause I did.”

Nat groaned. “It was just...she knew who I was….and she smells so pretty..!”

Ceres laughed. “Yeah...yeah. Amanda is a thirst trap and a half, but lemme warn ya, she is stupid in love with that man. Also a pillow princess, but that’s our secret.” She winked. 

“Y-you slept with her!?” Nat looked up and regretted it instantly as pain shot through her neck. “Aw fuck…”

“You sure you don’t need a hospital? Maybe time to call it a night?” It was hard to ignore the slight disappointment in Ceres’ voice. The sea-elf’s cool hand rubbing her shoulder was hypnotizing. It occurred to her that Ceres had been glued to her side all evening, even chasing her down when she ran away in the bathroom. With a flash, she realized she didn’t want the night to end just yet. She wanted more time to get to know this person. 

“L-lemme walk this off...gotta try a thing. Help me up.” With an arm around her waist, Ceres gently pulled Nat to her feet. “O-okay so this is a thing I learned to do for another patient once, but it's kinda painful to watch...you may want to turn around.”

Ceres shrugged and obeyed, facing the street. Nat closed her eyes, doing her best to ignore the shit and damp garbage around her. _Inhale_ . Her core pulsed with warmth, and Nat imagined reaching inside a deep bowl, fingers dripping with golden energy. _Exhale._ It overflowed from her hand, running over in abundance. _Inhale._ Healing light seeped into every cell, coating her bumps and bruises in light. _Exhale._ Her divine fire lit the match, and she watched it count down. _Inhale..._

_CRACK!!_

Snaps like popcorn echoed off the brick, and Nat stumbled, bracing herself against the wall. When the sounds faded, she bounced a few times, testing the dexterity of her neck and limbs. That was much better.

Ceres’ open-mouthed gaze caught Nat up short. “Sorry. Told you not to look.”

“What the fuck Church Girl? What was that?”

“Just a bit of self-chiropractic work.”

“Riiiight. Never been to a chiropractor that removed bruises and blood before, but hey. We all got secrets. Aasimar more than most.” The sea-elf looked up and down the street shuffling from foot to foot. “So now that you’ve ‘gotten adjusted’...you calling it a night still? Or you wanna go back into the show?”

The thought of being carried out again flashed across her mind. How many people had watched that scene? Fresh shame knotted itself up in her gut. “No. No. Maybe you know of somewhere we can just chill and talk?”

Almond-shaped eyes once more looked her up and down, evaluating something. “Yeah,” the other woman replied after a pause. “I know of a place, but...fair warning, if you think the crowd here is tough well…just stick close, k?”

“Will do, pit buddy.” As the faint sounds of the Nekromantix faded into the background, Ceres’ arm circled around Nat’s, pulling them closer together.

“So Nat...you more of a tit woman or an ass woman?”

========================================================================

If the Screeching Weasel was a can of cheap beer, the Scout’s Honor was a glass of red wine. 

Purple and white LEDs illuminated the frosted glass and stools of the bar. Pride flags and rainbow-colored neon lights lined the walls. Behind the bar itself were several lit glass shelves where a bored looking Drow sat cutting lemons. Ceres’ hand tightened around Nat’s like a vise as she hurriedly guided the Aasimar into a corner booth. The secluded tables all had windows facing out into the street. Further back, a wide dance floor sported a center pole and an empty DJ booth. House music played over the PA, stage lights shifting in time to the beat. A couple of dwarven women clumsily slow danced to the electronic beats, lost in their own world. Another couple was making out at a table. Hurriedly, they plucked something from a jar before disappearing into the bathroom. Other than those two couples and the bartender, the place was deserted.

So this was a gay bar. She’d read about them on the Campus computers. The websites not blocked by the library’s VPN had gushed at length about the “hotbed of sin” that was the Sapphic community. How long had she flipped through site after site, hoping to glean any scrap of real information about these mythical places? All she could find were photos of drag queens being carted out in handcuffs and ads for “lesbian counseling services”. The very fact that she was in here would be enough for Mara to…

No. Nat firmly blocked off the rush of complicated emotions at the thought of her girlfriend. Were they even still dating? Who knew, but it wasn’t something she wanted to think about tonight. Tonight was for her. And here she was, at a perfectly tame bar...with a new friend. Who was staring at her with a quizzical look on her face.

“What?”

“You just look like a kid in a candy store, that’s all,” Ceres replied. “Or a kid at their first dentist appointment. Can’t tell.”

Nat glanced down at the fishbowl at their table. Dental dams, condoms, lube, and safe sex kits overflowed onto the lacquered wood. She’d begged fruitlessly for weeks to get sexual health supplies in the clinic, and something told her that putting condoms and dental dams on her Church-issued card wouldn’t be taken well. The only thing the Church had offered were boxes of abstinence-only sex education flyers, and her divine fire had rebelled at the idea of passing out things she wasn’t even sure she believed in. To see all this, here, for free, untouched? Nat fought the urge to empty the jar into her pockets. 

“Truthfully? I think I’m somewhere in between,” she admitted as the shadow of the bartender loomed over them. The Drow had bright violet eyes and dusky grey skin. A white sheer button-up did nothing to conceal the red lacy bra underneath. It was tucked into a pair of acid wash jeans so tight they looked ready to burst. 

She leaned down over the table, giving the speechless Aasimar a good look down her cleavage while laying out paper coasters. “Evening ladies. Ceres,” She said pointedly in a deep scratchy voice. “What can I get for you tonight? House specials? Maybe a virgin drink or two to start the night with?” Nat felt the last line aimed directly at her, the violet eyes seeing straight into her soul. Did she really look that much like a virgin, or…?

“For fuck sakes Merz! This isn’t pride week anymore! Put the girls away! There’s no straights to scare out. Just people here to help you make tonight worth opening.”

The Drow clicked her teeth. “Says you.” Again the words felt as though they were being driven directly into Nat’s heart. “So. What can I get you both?”

“Uh...how about a Copperhead Apple Crisp for me, and Tonic and Lemon for her.”

“Ordering for her? That’s sweet. That’s all you want hon?”

“That’s all,” Ceres insisted. Merz gave a scoff and wandered off as the loud clack from the bathroom door startled Nat again. The two women emerged, smoothing out their clothing and making light conversation. 

“Dear Shatrava...”

“What’s that now?” Ceres tapped her on the shoulder. 

“Oh! Nothing just...SG? Where are we?”

“SG? Oh...Shark Girl. Clever.” The Sea-elf laughed. “Um...well Scout’s Honor. You’ve not been here before?”

Nat looked around in awe and fear once more. “No...The Weasel was the first club I ever went to and…” The cool smooth hand was on top of hers once more, causing her to trail off in distraction. Ceres’ hands were so soft....

“Wait? The first?”

“Yeah. Why’s it called Scout’s Honor?” In response, Ceres grinned and held up three fingers in a mock salute. “Ohhhh….I see it now. Cause....the fingers…”

“Lesbian intercourse, yes,” she snarked as Merz returned with their drinks, depositing them on the coasters with only a knowing glare aimed at the other elf. When Nat didn’t laugh, Ceres’ grin faded. “Wait...what? Oh damn. I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“Assumed what?”

“The way you were reacting to Amanda, and then flirting with me and...I...I’m godsdammit my gaydar is so much better than this. Especially your answer to ‘tits or ass’. I should’ve known...”

“What-what was wrong with my--”

“You know that ‘personality’ is the classic straight girl answer right?”

“Straight, or straight-laced?” Nat quipped nervously.

Ceres scrunched her nose up. “Seriously? No jokes?” Taking a pull from her bottle of cider she leaned forward. “You _are_ gay right?”

The question hit like a bag of rocks. It wasn’t so much that this amazing woman was questioning her, but the way she did it...was this how Vola felt that night in the diner? Called out and put on the spot? Wow, did she owe her friend an apology. “Yeah. Yeah I am. Of course I am. Aren’t you?” She shot back defensively.

“Well yeah. Of course.”

“Well, okay then. I guess you are.”

“And I guess you are.”

The two women stared at each other for a few moments before Ceres burst into laughter. 

“What?” Nat asked. This woman was laughing at her now?

“Aw….nothing, just...even in a damn gay bar there’s still that question of, ‘Is She’? The famous disaster lesbian tango. Can’t get away from it.”

Nat managed a smile. “Another first for the night.”

“Really? You’ve never had to...you know…figure someone out before?”

“Nah...I mean. Where I’m from we have to be out. No blurred lines back home. You’re either straight or...not.” Her voice faltered towards the end.

  
“Home? Oh. You mean that big ass compound that looks like a prison?”

“It does not!” Why was she being so defensive all of a sudden? Ceres wasn’t wrong. It _did_ look a little like a prison, from the outside. She’d have no way of knowing about the gardens, schools, and cute cookie-cutter houses on rows of sleepy streets. The stab of homesickness was unexpected, and unwelcome. _Don’t cry don’t cry..._

“Damn...sorry, CG. Didn’t mean to offend.” 

“It’s fine. You didn’t,” she lied. 

“Yes I did. Cause you did that little heatwave thing you do when you get anxious and your cheeks are all flushed. Really, I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s nice on the inside.”

“It’s...okay.” Nat took a deep breath and changed the subject. _Shake it off._ “So. When did you and Amanda date?”

“What? No! Oh, we never dated.”

“Oh, you…made love...er...slept together, but you weren’t dating?”

“Made love?” Now it was Ceres turn to look defensive. “CG, let’s get one thing straight. Making love is for movies and romance novels. Call them hookups. Please. For my ears.” Nat couldn’t help the smile, even as her cheeks glowed with embarrassment.

“Okay. Hooked up then.”

“Yes. Those two were married before, then separated after some stuff went bad for Leo. He had some demons to work through and she was lonely. One night we got drinks at the Weasel and closed out the club. One thing led to another and...yeah. I mean it was fun...and something I had been dreaming of since I saw her do a burlesque show, but...you can tell when someone’s heart’s not there. Just like the way they talk after or where you see them looking."

A look of pain flickered across Ceres’ smooth features and then vanished. “It was fun. Sometimes if we are at the salon we joke about it, but never around Leo. Plus, personally I like a more active partner in bed. I’m not a Top.”

Nat laughed. “Well, I mean it's good you’re seeing Denise now right? Is she any better?”

Ceres choked on her drink. “Denise? What? Who told you that?”

“You did. You were talking to Amanda. You know, that you turned Zaya down then slept with Denise when you learned they weren’t dating.”

“Once again. Not dating. Not ‘making love’. Sometimes sex is just sex, CG. And that’s okay.”

Nat silently digested this new thought. Vola had mentioned something similar before, when she talked about “her guy”, but Nat had always assumed the relationship had hidden depths Vola just never talked about. Could she have been wrong? Could it really just be about having fun without the messy emotional baggage of a relationship?

“So you’re not dating anyone?” 

“Nah. We hooked up. It was fun. Won’t ever do it again. I mean, never say never, but...probably not.” Ceres sighed. “Nat. I don’t date. Anyone.” 

“Like no one?”

“Nope. Easier that way. I don’t get ‘feelz’ like that for other folks. I have some friends, and we play around on the regular, but I don’t blur those lines and I damn sure don’t get all squishy about it.”

“But...I mean…”

“Look, I know the speech you’re about to give. I see it in your eyes. Seen it in a lot of others. Just not everyone needs to be in a relationship or in love. In fact most folks think they are, when in truth they are just in lust. Nothing wrong with it. Just gotta be honest and upfront is all. Own it.”

The words coming out of the other woman’s mouth started to form cracks in a wall of mounting frustration that Nat had been feeling for weeks now. A great truth that was in front of her the whole time, and she just realized it was breathing down her neck. “But...but how..I mean do you make sure no one gets hurt or lies?

“Can’t control if someone lies, but I have rules. I stick to them and expect them to as well. You don’t wanna or you break ‘em? Yer out!”

“You can make your own rules?”

“Holy fuck you _are_ a virgin.” She sat up straight and adjusted her studded jacket, shuffling her cleavage. Nat’s eyes flicked down to her supple breasts, then back up again. If Ceres noticed it, she didn’t let on. “Best to teach by example right? Maybe this is something you can take back to your campus and preach some ethical non-monogamy or at least how to avoid messy hook-ups.”

She cleared her throat. “Rule 1: No feels, no romance. Rule 2: Protection is non-negotiable. Rule 3: Never Assume. Ask. Rule 3a: Never accept open ended answers. Clarify.”

“Clarify what?”

“Well...sex is about both people having a good time and enjoying themselves. Not just doing whatever porn says. If someone is doing something you don’t like, speak up. And if you’re doing something you’re not sure the other person likes, ask. Especially with another woman. Women have a hard time being honest about what they like in bed. Society kinda tells you to just suck it up. But society sucks and that’s not how I roll.”

“Wow. That’s….kind of amazing.” The clarity of the sea-elf’s statements shattered her fear like glass. It was so simple. Ceres had laid it all out on the table, and Nat wondered to herself why it had seemed so hard before. 

“Oh, one more rule. Rule 4: no sleepovers.”

“Why?”

“I like control there. And I also don’t like strangers feeling they have some right to be there just cause we banged.”

“What if you go to their place?”

“Never happens.” She shook her head. “Again. My place. My rules. My security. That doesn't fly, I find someone else to play with or break out a toy at the end of the night.”

“That simple.” Nat said in disbelief. “But...but what about cuddling and holding someone and…”

“Yeah for a bit...if the mood is right or it's really intense. I’m not a cold-hearted monster, and there’s been times when it’s really hard to let a lovely pair of tits just walk out the door afterwards. But when the moment passes, it’s time to call it a night.”

“That seems like a perfect system.”

“It works okay most of the time. Sometimes drama still happens, though. Hell, I think it still is happening with the way Zaya was targeting you in the pit tonight.”

Nat looked up confused. “Huh?”

“Dude! You didn’t see the way Zaya was beelining for you constantly. She was giving me the evil eye, every time. All like ‘fuck my girl? Well I'll fuck up your hook-up.’”

“Your what?” Nat watched as the other woman’s cheeks darkened.

“Oh. Uh...nothing. Just nevermind.” At Nat’s look, the woman cleared her throat in a surprisingly nervous gesture. “Some nights I think with my clit instead of my head. You were hot, and you pinged my gaydar, and I thought…ah. Forget it.”

On their own, Nat’s fingers reached across the table to caress the woman’s arm. Her heart thudded in her chest. Ceres’ distressed look faded slowly as Nat ran her hand over the lovely blue skin. Almond shaped eyes blinked their thick black lashes slowly, liquid pools of green and blue. “Well, um...what if you were right?”

The faint house music scratched to a halt. Nat’s head snapped around. When had it gotten so crowded? It had been empty just an hour before. The DJ, a Firbolg woman in glasses and a bright green wig, pressed a button and the thump of hip hop shattered the atmospheric calm of moments before. The dance floor began to bounce, the rhythm shaking the water in Nat’s glass.

“Sorry!” Ceres yelled over the noise. “I had hoped it’d stay quiet for a bit longer! This is what it’s usually like on Saturdays. Not the best place to talk!” Her warm grin beamed across the table squeezing Nat’s hand tighter. “You wanna stay!? Maybe experience your first gay bar a bit more!?”

The other option spelled itself out clearly. Nat answered Ceres’ grin and let her gaze drift down to the woman’s breasts. This time, she purposely let her gaze linger before meeting the sea-elf’s eyes again. “Got a better idea?”

There was no thought behind what happened next. Suddenly they were no longer in the booth, but pushing their way past the crowd and out into the street, hands clasped tight. As they stopped at the curb, the sea-elf’s perfume was thick in her nose, making Nat’s head spin. The warmth in her chest had begun to travel lower, and the lust in the other woman’s eyes was impossible to ignore. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Ceres asked. “Big step for your first time.”

“You sure me being a virgin isn’t a dealbreaker?” A single finger skated under Nat’s chin, tilting her gaze up. Their lips were inches apart.

“Are any of my rules dealbreakers?” Breasts pressed against Nat’s chest. The urge to sink into them was nearly irresistible. One thought stood clear above the tangle of emotions in her chest. 

“No.” Closing the distance between the two of them was easy, so easy. Nat pressed her lips to Ceres’, and the lust that surged between her legs blasted away any last reserves of doubt. Ceres’ tongue prodded against her mouth and Nat opened for it, tasting the cider on the woman’s breath. Nat surrendered to the exploration, unrestrained excitement and joy ballooning in her chest. Why hadn’t she done this hours ago?

When Ceres broke the kiss, she panted, Nat’s forehead to hers. “I was hoping you’d say that.”


	2. A First Time for Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat's night has been a whirlwind ride, turning dreams into reality, and Ceres has been at her side the whole time. She's about to share another of her dreams with the alluring Sea-Elf, but at the end of the night there are some "first times" she will have to face on her own.

The ten-minute walk from Scout’s Honor to their destination was a blur. All too soon, Nat found herself staring at a two-story building of flaking forest-green brick. Magenta curtains peeked out from behind iron bars. On one side of the building sat a used electronics shop that, from the looks of it, had been out of business for quite some time. On the other, a bodega with a cheerful red and yellow awning flashed a neon sign in six different languages. Swiftly, Ceres punched the code into the door, which opened for the pair with a nagging buzz.

The door opened to a tiled lobby and carpeted stairs. “The elevator takes forever. You up for a climb, CG?” Ceres teased, flashing her skirt at Nat as she reached the first landing. A quick glimpse of black panties, barely even a peek, but Nat’s blood pressure spiked in response. Grinning, she sprinted up the steps two at a time to catch up with the other woman. 

The apartment building wasn’t like Sol Circle, or even the spacious dorms the unmarried Aasimar stayed in on Campus. Instead of elven poetry on the walls or tiny corner shrines to Shatrava, the place was stark. White walls, white can lights, dull grey carpet, dull grey doors. Not even a potted plant distinguished one doorway from another. But the sea-elf’s apartment couldn’t be more different, and Nat held back a gasp of wonder as Ceres swung open the door. “Welcome to Chez Ceres,” she joked.

The first thing to hit her was the warmth. Humid tropical air kissed Nat’s skin as she entered, a light breeze from the ceiling fan cooling her cheeks. Checkered gray-and-white vinyl covered the floor. The kitchenette, living room, and hallway were lit up in shades of teal, purple, and green. Tapestries with fractal tie-tied patterns and framed posters decorated every inch of wall. 

“You a collector?” Nat asked in surprise as her eyes caught a 1986 Siouxsie and the Banshees poster. 

“Yeah, you might say that.” 

“Wow. And you garden?” Exotic yellow-and-red flowers hung from vines that climbed a wall-to-wall trellis just off the kitchen. 

“Yep. Kind of a hobby of mine.”

“They smell amazing,” Nat remarked as she bent to sniff the blossoms.

“Pink flycatcher lilies. They’re my favorite.”

“I’ve never seen them before.”

“They’re from the Dragon Isles.” At the words, a look crossed Ceres’ face that Nat couldn’t quite name. It passed in a split second, so fast she thought for a moment she might have imagined it. But all thoughts of flowers fled her mind as her partner’s soft lips met hers again. This time, Ceres’ kiss was hungrier, and the hand that encircled Nat’s waist was insistent. “Enough talk about plants, yeah?” she breathed.

“Yeah,” Nat murmured in reply before descending into another kiss. Ceres returned it, biting Nat’s lip playfully. Ceres gave a small squeak as her back hit the wall, and she giggled. Nat’s hands seemed to move on their own again, sliding the sea-elf’s studded jacket over her shoulders and onto the floor. At the sound of leather hitting tile, Ceres pulled back.

“Whoa,” she panted, a sloppy grin on her face. “Let’s cool it down for a moment, okay? Or this’ll be over before it begins.” The woman fanned herself as Nat took an abashed step back.

“Sorry. I just got excited and…”

“No apologies needed. It’s been a long time since I’ve slept with someone so excited, that’s all. Love the energy and vibe you’re bringing. Just, let’s...sit for a bit, perhaps?”

_Slept with_. The words sent a thrill down Nat’s spine. This gorgeous woman wanted to have sex with her. The hammering between her legs was almost painful with need. She’d waited so long...

_And you can wait another minute_ , she chided herself. Already Ceres was walking towards the couch. Without the studded jacket, so much more of the sea-elf’s turquoise skin was exposed. The dim lights cast seductive contours over her back, beckoning Nat closer. Like a moth to a flame, her feet followed in Ceres’ footsteps. The woman stretched out like a cat, reclining lazily on the cushion. Unable to help herself, Nat stretched out beside her, so they were both lying on the couch. Their lips were centimeters apart, and Nat’s shaking hand skated over the sea-elf’s bare abdomen in wonder. The perfect cleavage was tantalizingly close. All it would take was a single pull on the clasp to release those gorgeous tits...

“You’re heating up again.” Ceres’ voice was teasing, but dots of sweat stood out on her forehead. “Toaster Tits...am I gonna have to put a fire extinguisher by the bed?”

Nat groaned, laughing at the awful nickname. “No, I promise not to burn the place down.”

“Could you?” Ceres asked, shooting Nat a quizzical look.

“Could I what? Burn your place down? Oh, no. It doesn’t work like that. At least, I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so? As in, you’re not sure?”

“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that.” 

Ceres lifted an eyebrow. “You know I’m a sea-elf, right? As in, I kinda need water to live?”

Nat snickered. “Yes. I promise not to overheat. Or burn your place down.”

“Good. Cause my renter’s insurance definitely doesn’t cover ‘fire by orgasm’.” Ceres grinned.

_Orgasm._ She’d seen it in her books a thousand times, but somehow the syllables falling from those lips made the words infinitely hotter. The sea-elf seemed to notice the hitch in Nat’s breath and her teasing smirk faded, something hungrier taking its place. Slowly, holding their gaze, the other woman took Nat’s hand and placed it on the clasp of her bra. 

A small moan escaped Nat as the catch unlocked. “Holy…” Her thumb ran over the curve, tracing the supple flesh. The bra parted for her wandering fingers, revealing large dark areolas. Her fingertips danced over the pebbled skin in amazement, watching with delighted lust as the nipple rose into a taut bead at the touch. “Wow. Your tits are...incredible.”

“You’ve never gotten to second base before?” 

“Nope. You’re my first.”

“Has anyone ever done this for you?” Nat froze at the question. Ironically, the thought had never occurred to her. Ceres studied Nat’s face, reading the unspoken answer there. “Would you like me to?”

“Oh.” The words were a breath. “Oh. Yes. Please.”

Webbed fingers slid across her abdomen, tracing the bump of each rib until skin gave way to cotton. “Hmmm,” Ceres murmured teasingly. “Oh no. An obstacle. Guess it’s time to call it a night--”

Nat grunted and, in one motion, grabbed her Necromatix tank by the hem, lifting it over her head. Flinging it to the ground with a flourish, she did the same with her sports bra. She had a single moment to take in the fact that she, Nat, was topless on a woman’s couch in a strange part of town--

Soft lips latched on to an erect nipple, and all thought was gone. 

Her eyes rolled back in her skull. Insistent hands wandered over Nat’s other breast as Ceres’ tongue traveled a new path over untouched skin. Her mouth was bold, tasting the skin as her teeth rasped gently over sensitive nubs. No one, _no one_ , had ever done this for her. At nights when she was desperate and lonely, she’d tried to touch and caress herself, but it didn’t feel remotely like this. Nat gasped in pleasure-pain as small sharp teeth bit down. It wasn’t enough to draw blood, but it was enough to send a jolt of lust straight down to her clit. If she’d dared to slide her hand inside her own skirt right now, she knew she’d be dripping.

The sudden cool air hitting her nipple left her breathless and shaking. Nat gave a hazy glance down to Ceres, whose own eyes were dark with anticipation. Sweat dripped down the sea-elf’s forehead. “Holy fuck...” Nat started.

“You’re tellin’ me,” Ceres gasped. “You’re a furnace right now.” A finger slid up Nat’s thigh, disappearing under her skirt. “As fun as this is, I’d love to get a little...closer.” Her fingertip traced the bead of Nat’s clit over her panties, causing a shudder. “Oh wow. You’re soaked!” The sea-elf glanced down the dark hallway. “Wanna move this to the bed?”

Nat ran her tongue over her lips. With every cell she wanted to fuck this woman, _right now_. “Yes. Please.”

The sexual energy crackled between them as Ceres rolled to her feet. Grabbing Nat’s hand, she tugged the Aasimar down the hallway. Gentle cerulean light glowed from the room at the end of the hall. Ceres nudged the door open with her hip. A queen-sized poster bed stood in the corner, covers already turned down as if inviting the two of them in. A wall-size closet mirror stood on the opposite wall. Strings of fairy lights hung from the ceiling wrapped with green vines. A bottle of lube and what was clearly a crumpled pile of latex gloves were laid next to the bedside table. 

Nat had just enough time to catch a glimpse of the two of them - topless, in miniskirts and boots - before gentle arms enveloped her. Lips descended on hers again, and this time she let herself sink completely into it. It was heavier, more intimate than when they’d kissed on the couch. Experienced hands detached the hook of Nat’s skirt with ease, and the plaid fabric hung on her hips for a tantalizing second before dropping to the floor. Fumbling, unwilling to break the kiss, Nat kicked off her sneakers and socks. Now she was just in her panties. 

Her hands wrapped around Ceres’s back tracing the line of her spine down to her ass. There was the hook. She was not as experienced, and fumbled with it a few times before the give of cloth let her know she’d succeeded. Ceres’ hips were wider than Nat’s, and a giggle escaped from the sea-elf as Nat struggled to shimmy the skirt off her. “I got this. Here...lay down.”

Nat obeyed, transfixed on the way the skirt hugged the taut thighs and ass of her partner. Ceres expertly slid out of it, revealing a tiny black thong that left almost nothing to the imagination. But even that was too much clothing for Nat. She wanted to see everything the other woman had to offer, every inch of skin…

Ceres climbed on the bed in nothing but stiletto boots and thong, moving to straddle Nat. From this angle, her partner’s large, perfect tits hung just out of reach of Nat’s mouth. Growls rumbled through Ceres as she snaked a hand between them, squeezing Nat’s breast hard and pinching the nipple. She kissed her way down the Aasimar’s neck. Each bite followed by a gasp of warm breath in Nat’s ear. Her thigh was slippery with the other woman’s juices. 

“Fuuuuck you’re so hot.” She hissed, before catching Nat’s earlobe in her teeth. “All night I imagined having you like this. Imaging the noises you’d make. The way you taste. How wet I could make you…”

A low moan rolled from Nat’s lips. “Yes. Yes. You make me so wet. I...I want you. I want to fuck you.”

Through her lust-filled haze, she caught a hint of a teasing tone. “Not make love?”

She laughed in reply. “No.” Her hand wandered to the last piece of thin fabric clinging to Ceres, but before she could pull it away, the woman put a hand to her chest.

“Hang on. I almost forgot something.” She rolled off Nat and grabbed her phone from the pocket of her skirt. Nat flipped on her side, staring openly at the woman’s almost-naked form. Ceres had a swimmer’s body, with thick thighs and toned stomach to match. Her skin glowed a rich sapphire in the dim light.

“What are you doing?”

“Hang on…got it.” Ceres set the phone back on the dresser. From hidden speakers, a deep, sensual bassline began to play. Brittle chords, fragile as glass, thrummed into Nat’s skin as an ethereal voice started singing.

_From the darkness,  
_ _the wind of lunacy  
_ _blows its secrets,  
_ _whistling in my ears._

A look of tranquility crossed the sea-elf’s face. “Do you hear this? It's Eidolian Post-Punk. The band is Winter Severity Index. Odd name but fits the sound perfectly.” She savored the music for a few more measures. “Do you like it?”

“I…” Nat paused. “Yeah. It seems a little...sad?”

Ceres shook her head. “It’s not sad. Here, I’ll show you. Close your eyes.”

“Okay.” Nat played along, moving to her back and letting her eyes flutter shut. 

“Now...where were we?” Ceres’ weight settled back against Nat’s body. The heat from between the sea-elf’s legs was tantalizing. Slowly, deliberately, she ground herself against Nat’s clit, her body a slow metronome against the beat of the song. Nat’s back arched as electric shocks of pleasure coursed through her. Unable to help herself, her hands drifted to the generous curve of Ceres’ hips. Muscles underneath soft skin rippled as the sea-elf moved in a hypnotic figure-eight pattern. At the same time, webbed fingers skated over Nat’s breasts, worshipping them as the singer’s otherworldly voice dripped like honey. Chills of need trembled down her spine. 

“Still think it’s sad?” Ceres’ voice was husky, thick with lust. 

“No,” Nat whimpered. “Ceres....fuck me.”

“What’s the magic word?”

“Please. _Please_ fuck me.”

The snap of latex surprised her, and she opened her eyes reflexively. Ceres had pulled a glove from the pile and was sliding it on her wrist. A twin glove sat on the sheet next to her. “Rule 2,” she whispered to Nat. Her face was flush with excitement. “Protection.” Her hair spilled over the two of them and her hand trembled as it skated over Nat. “I’ll show you how first, and then your turn. Okay?”

“Okay.” Nat fumbled into the glove, the latex sticking to her flushed skin. Ceres slid off Nat, stretching out beside her. Slithering a hand between their bodies, she dipped an experimental finger between Nat’s legs. 

“Oh my gods...you’re so ready.” The sea-elf kissed her hard, sliding the gloved finger over the fabric of Nat’s black panties. The cotton obeyed the woman’s impatient pulling, revealing a dripping wet lavender pussy covered in a thin curl of snow-white hair. The last scrap of clothing fell to the floor, joining the heap.

But Ceres took her time, running her latexed fingers over the nub of Nat’s clit, sending agonized waves of lust through her body. Ceres’ other hand was curled around the back of Nat’s head, strands of her purple-and-white mohawk tangled in her grasp. “Look at me,” the sea-elf whispered hoarsely. “Fuck with the music.”

At the first parting of her pussy lips, Nat’s mouth fell open in a gasp. Her slickness was dripping over the sea-elf’s hand, who shuddered as she took Nat’s virginity with tantalizing slowness. Inch by inch, Nat’s core surrendered to the invasion, throbbing with delicious forbidden pleasure. Ceres was gentle but relentless, not stopping until her two fingers were sunk to the hilt inside her partner. 

Nat gasped. She was full, so full. It felt so amazing, so _right_ , to have Ceres deep inside her. She wanted more. She wanted this woman to drive her fingers inside her over and over again until she screamed. Ceres took the hint and began to move, curving her fingers and stroking a spot deep inside Nat as she slid in and out. The vocals had stopped, and all that was left was the two of them and the throbbing bass as it began to climb higher. The glove was drenched in her juices, the tang of sex thick in the air. Ceres’ free hand was a tight coil in Nat’s hair. Their lips moved together and Ceres forcefully took Nat’s mouth, tongue exploring boldly. 

She recognized the orgasm hovering on the edge of her consciousness and she broke the kiss long enough to gasp a warning to the sea-elf. “Ceres...I’m...I’m gonna…”

“Come?” Nat nodded desperately and the woman pressed her forehead to Nat’s. “Yes. I’m gonna make you come.”

“Yes.”

“Your first orgasm ever. It’s mine. Isn’t it?”

“Yes!”

“Tell me.”

“It’s yours, oh…...fffffuuuuck…”

“Come on, Nat. Let it come. Come with me inside you!”

A keening moan escaped Nat’s lips as her body locked in ecstasy. Her pussy clenched around Ceres’ fingers and the _fullness_ was overwhelming, intoxicating. Ceres was on her knees now, sliding hard and fast into Nat, taking her body to new heights with every thrust. “Yes, yes, yes…!” Wave after wave slammed into her as she bucked on Ceres’ hand. For a moment, the world went white.

When she took a breath, Ceres was there, a grin like a Cheshire cat on her face. Her fingers were still buried inside Nat, thumb rubbing her clit. “Wow. Wow. Wow.” Nat leaned up on one elbow, bringing the aqua lips to hers. The kiss was full and passionate, Ceres trembling in her arms as she returned it.

As they broke apart, Ceres shot her a mischievous smirk. “So. That’s how you fuck a girl. Ready to show the teacher what you learned? Maybe if you’re good, I’ll make you come a few more times.” She winked.

“Wait, girls can come more than once? But I thought...”

“Oh, you sweet summer child,” Ceres replied, rolling Nat on top of her. “I have so much to teach you.” 

================================================================

  
In the aftermath of the vigorous education and countless orgasms, a stray thought at the back of her head worried how the night would end. She feared not wanting to get out of Ceres’ bed, breaking Rule #4, or worse. None of that happened though.

There was cuddling as they caught their breath, followed by casual conversation and playful touching and exploration. She burned every curve and ripple of Ceres’ body into her mind. She let Ceres play in kind, rolling over laughing as the woman gently drummed on her ass, trying to recall some amazing solo she had heard at a show long ago. Eventually the pair laid in silence letting the sounds of The Cure wash over them as they drank bottled water. Everything was quiet and perfect, and then….she wanted to be in her own bed. 

It was the strangest sensation. The Nat from an hour or two before would have happily passed out in this woman’s arms, but now that the lust in the air had cooled, it was time to say good night. She looked up with a pang of guilt but it dissolved to relief at seeing a similar look on Ceres’ face.

She walked around the apartment gathering up her clothes, making mock whines about how clammy and damp her clothes were. “Agh...I feel so sticky!”

“Now you know how my right leg feels!” her friend joked back, pulling on a pair of grey and pink jersey knit pajamas. She placed the order for the car, and exchanged numbers with Ceres, along with promises to be at the salon next Sunday morning as scheduled.

“Oh! Oh goddess! What if Amanda asks about if we..and did we…?"

Ceres laughed. “Please! Like I care! Actually...no! Yes! If Amanda asks, you can tell her that Shark Girl has imparted powerful and moist wisdom unto Church Girl!” Her voice a mocking regal tone.

“Haha! Eww...powerful yes! Moist? I’ll find a new word.” She sighed and regarded her new friend, squeezing her hand gently. “So um...total virgin question.”

“No such thing anymore.”

“Shaddup!” Nat gently swung her hand. “But um...seriously? Is it cool if like we kiss or um...now that it's afterwards and--”

Soft lips connected with her own again. This time not as hungry or passionate. Just grateful. She returned the kiss and stepped away with a big grin on her face. Ceres gripped her chin gently. “No feelz?” 

She shook her head. “No. No feelz other than how numb my clit is right now.”

“I recall someone demanding more and harder.” Another shared laugh.

Nat’s phone chimed, and Ceres shrugged on a jacket. “I’ll walk you down. Ping me when you get home safe okay?”

The cool air of the MazeCar’s interior caused her skin to prickle as Nat slid across the leather seats. Looking out the window she watched as Ceres gave one last wave good-night before disappearing inside. As the car pulled away, Nat was surprised at how happy she felt. Usually as the scenery faded from the grime of the Silks to the polish of Concordia Heights, she would feel the distance between Nat and Natayliah grow. The Angel of the Silks would be left behind in those shadowy streets, shed for the heavy mask of the future Mother Superior.

Tonight though, Nat was neither. She was Church Girl, headed home after a fun night out. Body aching from moshing and sex. Her head lolled back against the plush seat as she basked in the storm of new memories. “Church Girl.” she murmured quietly. It was a shitty nickname but one that felt right on her tongue the more she said it. It was the name that the people at the club knew her as. That Amanda and Leon knew her as, and more importantly, Ceres. That smoking hot woman had wanted Nat - had chased down _Nat_ , not the young doctor or the future leader of the Aasimar people. Just Nat.

It was all still so unbelievable. Losing her virginity had been nowhere near as scary as she’d been told. The rules Ceres lived by opened a whole new set of possibilities too. She didn’t have to be in love with someone to experience this, nor was it a cheap throwaway experience. Just fun. 

_But what about when this year is up?_

The errant thought buzzed like a gnat in her mind as the golden jagged radiance of the Ten Towers came into view. With it returned the nagging anxiety of her station and responsibility. The Rainbow Lotus. The Clinic. Mother.

_Shatrava will reveal my fate when that time comes,_ she mentally snarled, sending the thought scurrying back to the corners of her mind. It couldn’t ruin the beauty of the past few hours. Nat wouldn’t “retire” to bed, so Natalyiah could awaken tomorrow. She would go inside, wash off all this sweat, and maybe replay the night in her head for another orgasm or two. Tomorrow she would text Vola and tell her everything. She would work on her pet projects. And she would do it naked...cause why not!? This would be the second Sunday in a row that she had to herself now and it felt nice. So free of the dread and worry that would lead up to 4pm when…

Shit.

_You break up with her?_

Vola’s grim question from a week ago was like a slap, cutting through her reverie in an instant. Had they broken up? They certainly hadn’t spoken in a week and that last fight? So much said that could not be taken back. But had they said the words? No, they hadn’t. 

How would her peers in the Rainbow Lotus react? What about the congregation? If the future gay leader of the church couldn’t maintain a relationship with a devoted partner like Mara, then how would that reflect on all queer Aasimar? All valid reasons to wait to make a decision. Not throw away a year of effort and love…? 

But did she still love Mara? All these worries had nothing to do with her feelings, needs, or safety. It all came back to how it would affect others. Mara. The Lotus. The members of the church. Vola’s admonishments made all those Sunday evenings cleaning up the destruction in Mara’s wake feel shameful. She studied the leather band on her wrist and faint traces of Ceres’ perfume on her skin. Regret and acceptance tied her stomach in knots. She had already made her decision. The only thing she hadn’t done was tell Mara. But that didn’t matter. Even if in Nat’s mind their relationship was done, she hadn’t said the words. Which meant...

She had cheated on her girlfriend. 

Guilt and anxiety roiled across her skin. Maybe she didn’t have to tell Mara about tonight. Wouldn’t the countless arguments be enough of a reason to end things? 

But if she went that route, it would paint Mara as the only reason their relationship failed. She would be blameless, and…

_And you’re not._ She swallowed. She had lied, told half-truths, and hidden things from Mara. She’d told herself it was to protect her girlfriend, when in truth all it did was delay an inevitable pain. Yes, things had turned toxic, but Mara had been the only one of the Rainbow Lotus that had chosen to see her as anything other than a distant figurehead. She’d braved her own trauma every week to come see Nat. That counted for something. Mara deserved honesty.

How would her girlfriend’s vows handle this revelation? Would it push her over the edge? Nat had relied on the vows of her girlfriend and co-workers to keep the more visible elements of her rebellion quiet, but...this? Cheating was one of those offenses that the church took seriously. Maybe she could tell her later, post break-up?

She considered texting Vola for advice, but decided against it. If Vola was still awake, she might be with her family on a hunt, or with her “guy”. Too big of a risk. She certainly couldn’t ask Ceres, or any of her other new friends. With a few panicked taps, she pulled up a web browser, and started to type. _How do I break up with someone after cheating on them?_

As the MazeCar snaked through the well-lit streets, she pored over discussion forums. Her enchantments worked overtime, trying to parse through the noise. Her heart sank the further she scanned. According to the internet, she was a terrible person who deserved the full scorn of every jilted woman in history. _Shit shit shit._ Her lip trembled, and from the front seat of the car, the driver wiped sweat from his brow.

Her enchantments pinged and she quickly scrolled through the detritus to the highlighted web page. An article written by a relationship therapist? _Five Ways To Repair the Relationship After an Affair._ She winced at the title, but opened the page and began to read the tips. _Go to counseling…._ yeah right, Mara would barely step foot in the clinic, much less a therapist’s office. _Set up accountability._ For what? She was trying to break up, not stay together. 

_Write a letter._

Just write a letter? Hmm, that could work. Was she supposed to text it or read it in person? Maybe she could write the letter, give it to Mara, and then have a civil conversation over the phone where they each take turns talking. This was a good start. And she could do it tomorrow when she had a clear and rested mind. She muttered a bitter good night to the driver, passing him a soggy twenty as she stepped out of the car. The cool air of the lobby was a relief to her sweat-soaked skin.

“Hey, Theo.”

The Tabaxi looked up in alarm, then relief. “M...Miss Nat! It’s late…”

“Just Nat, Theo,” she muttered, walking past him towards the elevator. On a different day, a different hour, she would have stopped at the desk to socialize, but all she wanted was a shower and a bed right now.

“Miss Nat, do you have a second--?”

“Not right now, Theo. I’ll swing by in the morning, promise. Have a good night!” she called as the elevator doors closed. The ride up to her floor was quiet. Even the lift music had decided to take tonight off. Her sneakers felt like lead as she shuffled down the carpeted hallway. The closer she was to her door, the more exhausted she got. Maybe just bed. Shower in the morning, and then she could think more about how to handle breaking up with…

Mara was curled up at her door. Her head rested against her knees, arms hugging her legs. From under her Blue Lotus hoodie, a soft snore rustled the mass of pink curls. What was Mara doing outside of the campus on a Saturday night this late? How long had she been here? Crap, _that’s_ why Theo had tried to flag her down.

Panic hammered in Nat’s ears. With the grace of a mouse, she inched towards the elevator, eyes locked on the other Aasimar. She could get back in the lift, leave the building, and then…

_Then what?_ Her brain chided. _Where are you gonna go? A hotel? That will look even more suspicious._

_I’ll go back to the clinic. Sleep in the office. If she asks where I was the next day, I’ll tell her I was working late._

_You’re going to lie? Again?_

_I’m not ready…!_

_DING!_

The electronic chime from her phone rang like a gunshot. Reflexively her eyes snapped down to the lit screen. It was Ceres.

_Hey CG! Headed to sleep! Ping me when you get in!_

Mara’s amber eyes gleamed sleepily from under a veil of thick pink curls. “N...Nataliyah? Is that you? What….ugh...what time is it?” As she blinked awake, the relaxed expression morphed into one of confusion and hurt. “What are you wearing? What...what did you do to your hair?”

Nat’s heart slammed against her ribs. She could run. She should run. Maybe Mara would give chase or actually...hopefully...she would just run back to the campus. But then what about her vows or doing the right thing and breaking up with her or…

_You are afraid of so few things,_ Vola’s voice echoed in her mind. _The person you love shouldn’t be one of them._

_Fuck._

She swallowed hard and shoved her cellphone into her hoodie. “Guess we’re doing this here,” she muttered bitterly as she pulled out her keys.

“Natalyiah? Answer me!” Mara pushed against the wall to stand. A faint haze of heat flickered around her girlfriend. “What did you do to yourself? Is this why you haven’t texted me all week? What was that phone you had just now!?” 

Nat tightened her grip around her keys. “I did what I said I would. I changed my hair. And I didn’t tell you because you trashed my place when I tried to.” The words stayed steady as Mara started to storm towards her.

“Y-you...you like looking like this?” She gestured wildly. “You do this to yourself and make me out to be the villain?”

She winced. “Mara, I...I have tried talking to you about this, but every time…”

“Every time what? Every time I tried to drag you back from the edge of sin? The edge of depravity? And still like a lemming you...you just keep running towards it! Ignoring my warning! Ignoring my pain and my trauma! You act like what happened to me…!” At the end of the hallway, a door cracked open. The shadow of a disgruntled face appeared as a blur in Nat’s vision. They were being too loud. 

“I’m not you.” The words were whispered in a hiss, stopping Mara in her tracks. Her jaw dropped, the hurt and rage warring across her features.

“ _Excuse me_?”

Nat took this chance to walk past her. Trembling hands forced the key into the lock. It took two tries before it would turn. “I wanna talk about this. But not now. Not tonight.”

“Why!?” Mara shrieked. “Do you not want your neighbors to know what a harlot you are!? To see you in the clothes and warpaint of a heathen!? Do you honestly think they don’t know about how you slink back from that filthy bar you hang out at after work!? Or stink of that Half-Orc and bad food from that diner!? Wait, where do you think you’re going? We’re not finished here..!”

Searing heat pulsed through Nat’s forearm as Mara’s hand clamped on it. The stink of brimstone and char of burning flesh filled the air. Underneath the Aasimar’s fingers, Nat’s lavender skin bubbled orange. “Aghhh-fuck!” Nat wrenched her arm out of Mara’s grasp, clutching the arm to her chest like a wounded animal. “What the _fuck,_ Mara?!”

“I--I’m sorry…” Mara stammered, seeming to realize for the first time what she’d done. The haze between them was a thick soup of heat. “I...I just….you made me so angry and I…” The glitter in Nat’s eyes caused her to trail off.

“Excuse me? I made _you_ angry?” The words were nails, each one honed to a sharp iron point. In spite of the pain and nausea, Nat resisted the urge to heal herself. She was done covering up. Never again. 

Mara reached out to Nat, but her hands met only empty air as Nat twisted away. The other Aasimar’s face furrowed in worry. “I was just so afraid. About how they would corrupt you! And look! Look at you now! Your faith….your faith...I….!”

“What about my faith?” Her reply was chipped from ice. She was over the threshold of her door. She could close it on Mara now, end the night in an instant. But she couldn’t, not yet. _You are afraid of so few things..._

“It’s weak! You’re weak! You’re so full of sin and falling from grace! You’ve become as corrupted as those painted whores you lust after! I love you but...but you’ve failed Natalyiah! Why can’t you see you’ve failed our Goddess! You’ve failed yourself..!”

“I’m breaking up with you.”

The bombshell hit Mara full-blast. Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for air. A high-pitched squeak came from somewhere in the back of her throat, but that was all.

“I can’t be who you want me to be.” Nat forced herself to look Mara in the eyes as she spoke, tears of pain finally forcing their way to the surface. “I’m not that person, and I’m sick of trying.”

“Y-you..you don’t mean that.” 

“Yes. I do.” 

As the door started to close, Mara bolted forward and stuck her foot in, preventing it from closing. “W-wait. I...I thought you wanted to talk?”

Nat winced, holding the door open with her good arm as she blocked the entrance with her body. “I did, until you burned me. I don’t know what else to say Mara. The things you say...the things you do…they hurt me.” She held up her arm. “I kept trying to share with you, but you didn’t want to share with me--”

“That’s because this is a horrible place! You can’t see it, but I do! I’m just trying to protect you! Help you like you helped me back on campus! And I still can! Your...your faith is weak Nataliyah, but there’s still time! Just shave off that hair and wash off that whorespaint! You can heal your wound! Then we can pray! I won’t even tell! We can sit in the living room and pray and hope Shatrava forgives you for all…"

“I slept with someone tonight.”

Watching the color drain from Mara’s face was more painful than a hundred burns. The healer in her rushed to the surface, wanting to say something, anything to erase that look. But the words sat on her tongue, unsaid. There was nothing that would make this better, no words that would make this pain any less excruciating. The condemnation of a thousand internet posts settled on her heart like a two-ton weight. Guess she really was a terrible person after all. 

“I’m sorry Mara…” her voice cracked, and she took one jagged deep breath. “Good-bye.” She quietly closed the door behind her, letting the click of the lock drive the final nail home.  
The muffled banging on the front door did nothing to cover Mara’s sobs as they echoed down the hallway. “Nataliyah. Nataliyah! Please, _please_ open the door!”

As the noise escalated, she numbly walked back towards the bedroom, peeling off her hoodie and tossing it over the back of the couch. Her church phone rattled frantically. Silently, she reached over and powered it off. Nat had no reason to answer, and Nataliyah wasn’t here anymore. 

Her wallet and keys clattered on the counter as she slipped out of her sneakers. The trail of garments continued to grow until she was naked in her bathroom staring down at Ceres’ unanswered text message. She shot off a quick text confirming she was home safe, and another to Amanda and Leon thanking them for looking out for her in the pit. She stopped short of sending one to Vola considering what just to say to her best friend at this moment. Finally she settled on _Home Safe. Dinner tomorrow? Please?_

With the simple message to her friend completed, she brought up her music player and tapped random on the playlist Ceres used earlier that night. She didn’t dare look at herself in the mirror. Only the shower presented any form of relief from the cacophony outside.

Whining guitars and a slow building beat filled the bathroom, joining the hiss of the shower. Whirling shoegaze guitars and a fae-like voice bounced off the walls with words far too appropriate for this moment.

_Too much anger  
_ _Is the passion over?  
_ _And sorry  
_ _Just won’t cut it anymore._

Nat slumped down, hugging her knees to her chest as the cool shower washed away the grime and sweat. The water soothed the blistering skin on her arm. Strings of kohl and tears mingled with ash and oil from her skin, forming a grey eddy around the drain. The guilt warred with the immense relief in her chest. The words were said. It was done. A reflex to heal twitched in her head, but she held back. This was the price she paid for her freedom. She had to remember this feeling. 

“This is who I am.” She muttered quietly to the rushing water. “Scars and all. No covering up. No going back.”


End file.
